Just Doing that Hoodoo

Devil Juice aka the Master Tonic

The 2017-2018 cold and flu season hit with a hot fiery passion. I am sure I was not the only one searching for ways to avoid the furry and stay healthy. When my father-in-law came down with the flu, I forbade my husband from seeing him. We had a one year old at home, and could not afford to bring any of that nonsense into our house.

Then it happened. Jon said his throat hurt.

Frantically, I began a strict regiment of everything that was once ever suggested to help with a cold or flu. Essential Oils. Coconut oil. All the oil. Tea. Honey. Steam showers. Standing on my head. Anything.

I am not against modern medicines, in fact all three of us had our flu vaccines for the year as my employer requires them and offers them for free. What I am against is taking three or more hours off work to drive across town to a doctor’s office, sit and wait, get poked and prodded, and sent on my way with confirmation of what I already knew. Oh, and a prescription for antibiotics but, you know, details. I was trying to avoid getting to that point. I might have a slight case of white coat syndrome.

Then I remembered my crunchy neighbor! I am only semi-crunchy, and admit that I only earned that title because of my cloth diapers and natural birth. I asked her what she does to fight off the ick and she gave me a few suggestions. I clung to them like my health depended upon them – elderberry syrup and the Master Tonic.

The black elderberry syrup was pretty straight forward, and everyone seemed to know about this but me! I picked up a bottle at my local natural grocery store and started Jon and myself on the recommended dosage.

The Master Tonic was a little more complicated. It required swearing in to a coven, traveling to Salem, pricking my finger and clicking my heals. Not really, but it did require cutting up jalapeños, and that is basically evil.

From my natural grocery store, I bought the following list of ingredients:

  • Jalapeños – most recipes called for ghost peppers, but any hot pepper will do.
  • Ginger – I had no idea you could leave the skin on
  • Garlic – to keep ghosts away
  • Horseradish – Fresh was recommended, but I had to buy a refrigerated bottle of shredded
  • Onion – I used a white one, but nothing specified if the type mattered
  • Turmeric – I left this out because, I forgot
  • Apple Cider Vinegar – Raw, organic and preferably “with the mother” even though that sounds creepy as hell.

Now you see why this felt like some backwoods magic spell!

True to myself, I did not exactly follow the directions. Directions are too much like rules. I peeled my ginger, a whole onion, and six gloves of garlic and seeded three peppers. I chopped everything to a manageable size as if I was a master chef making a sauté. I filled 1/3 of my mason jar (thanks to Beka XO co, I happened to have wide mouth jars on hand) with my potent ingredients, and the rest with ACV. I gave it a shake for good measure, and downed the whole thing.

I am kidding. Do not do that. It is recommended that you take one tablespoon of this concoction daily to boost your immune system, but you can take it more often if you are actively fighting a cold. I allowed the ingredients to stew together for a few days before straining them out and keeping only the juice.

My secret to taking this hoodoo devil juice is to treat it like you are a sixteen year old girl about to shoot whiskey (Dad, I swear I do not know anything about that). Take some deep breaths. Inhale. Throw the poison back. Exhale slowly. Try not to shudder and grimace. My husband gets best results if he cries a little. Find what works for you!

Because this remedy contains only natural ingredients, it is safe for children, if you can get them to take it, and pregnant women, if they can stand the indigestion it will most likely cause.

I wanted to write about this recipe when I first discovered it because I was excited, but I wanted to know if it worked first! I had heard about the benefits of many of these natural ingredients before, (Turmeric has anti-inflammatory properties. Garlic is a natural antibiotic. Onion is an immune system booster – to list a few) and that made me a believer before I even tried it, but not ready to stake my reputation on it. Now, I am ready.

When we began taking this serum twice a day, Jon was already showing signs and symptoms of a cold, and I was starting to feel under the weather. Usually this means we will both be sick for weeks with at least two days each of on-the-verge-of-death. This time, however, my symptom cleared up within two days and Jon’s mild cold lasted only a week. Neither of us missed work and Cillian did not get sick at all! I did not give any of the devil-juice to C, but I was still breastfeeding at the time, and I believe that my body was able to effectively fight off the cold and pass the antibodies to Cillian. Mother’s bodies are amazing.

Since then, every time I feel a tickle in my throat or a sniffle in my nose, I take a tablespoon of the Master Tonic and the elderberry syrup and I have yet to be sick this season. Jon, either out of doubt or hatred, refuses to take the tonic anymore, and he has battled two colds this season. When he is sick, we still sleep in the same bed. We still kiss and cuddle and share cups and somehow, I have avoided catching any of his nasty.

I am officially a believer!

Have you tried this or other natural remedies? I would love for you to share them with me in the comment section or on my Facebook page!

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